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This site is a little project that lets me make fun of some things and sense of others. I use it to think a little more relationally without resorting to doing actual math.Subscribe
This site is a little project that lets me make fun of some things and sense of others. I use it to think a little more relationally without resorting to doing actual math.
Sad but true…
So you can never say this phrase and really mean it? I expect there must be some intersection.
Well, it’s not that you don’t mean it, it’s that what the phrase actually means is “I’m not sorry about MY actions, but about YOUR reaction to them, so it’s not really my fault, but yours.” That hardly counts as an apology.
As Noilen says, of course you can both say it and mean it. If you want to be considerate, however, it might take the form, “Sorry I made you feel that way.”
“Sorry” is a wonderfully subtle word. The phrase in question can honestly be used to mean “I am at least marginally less happy knowing that you feel that way than I would have been if it hadn’t come to my attention,” or “I regret that my words/actions had the unintended effect of making you feel that way,” or “What happened was an accident, and I really feel bad for you, but it wasn’t my fault, so don’t blame me” or, as Jessica surely intended, “Life is tough. I kicked your ass. Learn to live with it ’cause I’m going to do the same thing again whenever I feel like it.”
Really? Wow. Sorry you feel that way.
I like this phrase, and use it in roughly equal measure with its slightly less subtle equivalent, “MmmHmm. Bummer for you.”
Anyway, we all die alone, really.
Surely you can use the line and not be a jerk if
a) You’re genuinely not sorry.
b) You still want to express compassion for the hurt.
Alternatives are either say nothing, or lie and apologise for something you’re not sorry about.
I think “Sorry you feel that way” is a better solution than either of those.
Exactly! If somebody feels hurt, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’ve hurt them. If I have, then I apologize for what I’ve said or done. But if they’re seeing something that isn’t there and responding from a place of past hurts, then it doesn’t help either of us for me to offer an apology that isn’t genuine. Yet, I may very well feel sorry that they are hurting and want to express that. It’s too bad that the phrase “I’m sorry you feel that way” is used so often to brush off another person.
If you ever listen to the Roderick On the Line podcast this is what they call the “Big City Apology”
these days, the size of the sets are starting to revert…